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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24337189">Just let me Go</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWriterWhoNeverWrites/pseuds/TheWriterWhoNeverWrites'>TheWriterWhoNeverWrites</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Smangry, and angry, roman is Sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:00:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,290</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24337189</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWriterWhoNeverWrites/pseuds/TheWriterWhoNeverWrites</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He wasn’t an emotional  side. Not like Patton or Virgil. He was just “being Dramatic”, just “asking for attention”, just “overdoing it like usual”. Five minutes ago was easily the most raw he’d ever been in front of any of them, and that had turned out just dandy.<br/>Between you and Remus, I wouldn't know who the evil Twin was.<br/>*<br/>*<br/>*<br/>AKA my take on what happened to Roman immediately after he sunk out, b/c I need me some closure</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil &amp; Creativity | Roman &amp; Logic | Logan &amp; Morality | Patton</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>65</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Just let me Go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He barely felt himself  sink out as he slowly reappeared in the mindscape. He was in the same position in Thomas’s living room as he had been before -just in front of the TV - but everything was slightly cloudier, slightly less tangible. The space was also empty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil had gone straight to his room to “recuperate” as soon as they had left the wedding. They were all aware there was something off with the other side, or at least he was fairly sure that they were all aware of it. Patton had been spending more time instigating conversations with Professor Gloom, and even Logan had seemed to be keeping a closer eye on him. Roman had opted for just leaving him alone. His change in behaviour had occurred </span>
  <em>
    <span>after</span>
  </em>
  <span> Remus’s appearance; and as they all made pretty clear, he was just a reminder of him. Not to mention he never seemed to be able to say anything helpful when it came to calming Virgil down. Rile him up, maybe make him smile for a second, but cheering up was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>his forte.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan on the other hand was either in his room, or wherever Deceit pulled him when they switched places. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janus”, if that </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> his real name. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His fists were clenched at his sides, unmoved from above, but now visibly shaking. Everything about him felt tense, coiled, wound up tight like a yoyo that was never let go. Yoyos had to be let go to function, unweave to fulfill their purpose. Roman was no different, he was literally the human embodiment of creativity. Creative stories, thoughts and plans, sure. But also creative fears, sadness, insecurities and </span>
  <em>
    <span>anger</span>
  </em>
  <span>. So much damn anger. And he had to expel it somehow, or he’d stop functioning. Stop doing the only thing he was good at and he wasn’t sure that was something that he could handle</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that anyone seemed to notice. He wasn’t an </span>
  <em>
    <span>emotional </span>
  </em>
  <span> side. Not like Patton or Virgil. He was just “being Dramatic”, just “asking for attention”, just “overdoing it like usual”. Five minutes ago was easily the most raw he’d ever been in front of any of them, and that had turned out just dandy.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Between you and Remus, I wouldn't know who the evil Twin was.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He groaned and punched the wall, the resulting lack of pain or dent making him want to </span>
  <em>
    <span>scream</span>
  </em>
  <span>. God. Why was he always wrong? Why was every single thing he said wrong? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We should go to the call back?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit might not be that bad?</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>

  <span>Wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Missing the callback was worth being there for our friends?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit cannot be trusted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wrong. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wrong</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <b>
    <em>Wrong. </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe if he wasn’t so damn </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span> Thomas wouldn’t be so confused all the time. Maybe he actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> duck out, take a back seat and make it easier on the lot of them. He let out a bitter laugh, they probably wouldn’t even notice. Maybe even celebrate it. Finally, they don’t have to reel in the fantastical, time wasting ideas of Roman.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We love you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton’s concerned face flashed across his mind and </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span> he had to get to his room so he could scream into an abyss without fearing someone overhearing. He was adamantly ignoring the fact that the only reason he hadn’t immediately gone to his room was because he thought he would be followed. He’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>expected</span>
  </em>
  <span> a sad, apologetic Patton, an automatic hug, maybe even a “You know he’s just lying to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room remained empty. That clearly wasn’t coming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pushed himself away from the wall and made his way towards his room. As he walked, the floor started to flow like fluid beneath him, pulling him towards the area of Thomas’s mind where the imagination was strongest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> His room was less of a Room, and more of a Space. There was a portion of it that took on the shape of whichever room or location Thomas was in; this area was still the living room, so clearly they were </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span> talking. The rest was a white haze, a flow of energy that seemed to ebb and move around and through him. He took a breath, it was here that he felt fully himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a practiced wave of his hand the cloudy forms beneath him seemed to fizz, pushing outwards until lushes green grass lay against his feet. He continued forwards, moving his wrist unconsciously to continue forming his favourite daydream escape. It was Thomas’s go to calm space as well, which was probably why Roman loved it so much. Unfortunately, that meant it took a rather large amount of daydream energy to conjure. But if Thomas was slightly out of it for the rest of the day that was probably a good thing. He needed to relax.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He started making his way up a hill that formed in front of him, quickly reaching the top and gazing outwards. The anger from before simmered just below the surface, he could see it in the way the grass wasn’t as green as it should be, in the darker, angrier shades of flowers starting to bloom, in the hazier, cloudier view in front of him. He ran a hand through his hair, gripping tightly at the strands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clench, relax. Clench, relax. Clench Relax. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pushed his other palm forwards, dragging it ahead of him until an edge formed in front of him. There wasn’t usually one. Usually this hill was just that, a hill with a tree at the top, with grass and trees and wildflowers for miles and miles. But this time he made it a cliff, pulling a rocky ledge into view in front of him. As he moved towards it he clenched his fist again, pulling the blue from the sky. Colour drained from above him, clouds dissipating into nothingness until a black abyss was all he could see.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then he screamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This wasn’t acting, this wasn’t a performance to put on in front of the others. It wasn’t a scream to convince someone he’d had a fatal wound, or one of indignance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was just anger and pain and confusion, and it had to come out.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thank God you don’t have a mustache</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He kept screaming</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I thought I was your hero</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His throat felt raw but he couldn’t stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s okay Kiddo-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He collapsed to the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deceit’s face kept flashing through his mind. The sadness, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>pity</span>
  </em>
  <span> as he confirmed Roman’s worst nightmare. That he’d finally done it. He’d finally managed to mess up bad enough to turn the others against him. One </span>
  <em>
    <span>tiny </span>
  </em>
  <span><em>nod</em> and he knew that they’d finally realized what he’d been worried was true for years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could feel Patton's energy knocking against his mind, a silent plea for him to come out of his room so that he could see him, but he pushed it away. Patton agreed with Deceit, and even though Roman didn’t want to hear a single word from that Banana in Pyjamas he </span>
  <em>
    <span>trusted</span>
  </em>
  <span> Patton. Patton the goofball, Patton who could be a bit of an idiot, but Patton who was the literal heart of everything they did. Patton knew what to do, he knew what was right and what was wrong and if he trusted Deceit then that meant-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That meant that Deceit was right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A wet patch started to seep through his sleeves, dampening his skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That meant that Deceit was right. That meant there really was no difference. That his quips had finally gone too far, that his uncontrollable energy had finally become too much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That meant Janus was right. And if he was right, was there any reason to pretend that he wasn’t?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stood.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!<br/>So this is my first Sander Sides fic! Tbh, never thought I would write one of these, but this idea just stuck in my head so here we are.<br/>Hopefully you guys enjoy!<br/>Also whoops ended sad, what can I say.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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